Addiction

A1 Print.

"Addiction" explores the repetitive nature of desire and the need to escape. The casino card and the chopped lines stand to provoke a question: Do you feel lucky? Research suggests that those who believe in their own luck naturally find more opportunities, whilst those trapped in an ‘unlucky’ mindset often cling to victimhood and drain energy from those around them. 

This picture is an insight into a specific period of my life. I found it incredibly hard deciding what I wanted this to look like. There were a lot of redos and I used a hell of a lot of paint to get it ‘right’. I finally came to the conclusion that I was never going to get this painting to the place I wanted to, as the messy styled painting style actually reflected my scrambled brain at the time. I was working long hours, 10-12 hour days became fairly standard. Sure, I could go home, but there was an element of perfectionism, an inherent need to prove my value - and let's face it, it’s not like I had anyone or anything to come home to.

I’d often use substances for four main reasons:

1. It allowed me to turn off - everything became quiet, a momentary bliss

2. I felt like I could get more things done (obviously this was counterintuitive - never getting a good night's sleep, only perpetuating the problem further).

3. After all those long hours, I felt like I deserved it. Reward system that was becoming far too frequent which then loses its ‘treat’ factor ***smeagol voice***

4. I felt like it helped with the creative process - but maybe looking back , that was just an excuse!

Isn’t it ironic that ‘dic’ is in the word addiction when men are 2.2 times more likely than women to abuse drugs?